Twenty Ways The Agents Avoid Saying the F-Word

Image by daniellehelm via Flickr

The Agents never call anyone fat. At least, not in those words and not to their face. They have learned clever, more effective ways of getting their point across.

1. They make you walk between the desks of The Agency in a bikini. Each person you pass will stare at every part of your body except for your face. They will scrunch up their nose and forehead, as if pondering, what is missing here? hmmmm... This will inspire them to dig out their measuring tape. (which sometimes is hanging around their neck. A convenient fashion statement) and then, ah-hah! you really gotta work on these hips of yours. 
2. Another tape measure trick. After measuring you, they will leave their thumb on your number and show you. Then, they move their thumb down two inches and show you again saying, try to stay right around here from now on.
3. You're looking a little too commercial lately. We'd like you to look more high fashion.
4. Have you tried a detox? Detox is code for not eating. Of course, they can't say not to eat anything, but they can say to go on a two-week cleanse.
5. Email: We noticed you were drinking a martini at last night's party. We weren't sure if you knew, because drinks can be misleading, how many calories are in one martini. A good drink to try is a vodka and soda. 
6. We don't want you to lose weight. We just want you to lose about 3 inches off your waist. Don't even step on a scale, just focus on those inches. 
7. If someone skinnier than you is around, they will rave about her. Look how she has that separation between her legs! Look at those arms. Oh my god your stomach seems to go inward. 
   Then, they will look at you and ask, How is your body doing lately?
8. Email: The holidays are coming! We wanted to wish you all a happy and healthy season. And remember, these times are especially important to eat healthy and get extra workouts in because Spring Runway season is right around that corner. 
9. Your body looks ok, but no desserts for a few months. 
10. Have you tried lifting lighter weights for more reps? Or walking instead of running? You need to tone your muscle, not build it.
11. We can't send you on any castings until you get your hips down another two inches. We really want to promote you, but you need to do your part here. 
12. During an instructional class: A funny thing happens after a girl signs a contract, she goes back to eating like she did before she signed. We see her after a few weeks and she looks bloated and we can't send her out for any jobs. We call this, Lazy Model Syndrome. 
13. The anorexic look is in. We don't want you to be anorexic. We just want you to look that way. 
14. You lost ten pounds! You look great! Oh my God, can you imagine how great you would look if you lost another 5?!?
15. Overheard after girl leaves: Did you see the size of that ass?? Girl wants to be a model with an ass like that?
16. Email: A Major Client is coming to town for a casting in two weeks. If you are getting this email it's because we really want you to look your best for them and want to give you enough time to make sure you can do this. 
17. After printing you 100 comp cards: we listed your hips as a 34.5 and your waist as a 24.5 because it looks so much better. If you get booked, you have to be at these measurements, so the faster you can do this, the better. 
18. We don't need you to lose weight, we just need you to tighten. Tighten. Tighten. Your stomach especially, just needs to be much tighter. (While speaking, The Agent will hold up their hands in front of them, like 2' apart from each other, and as they saw tighten, they will bring their hands slowly together, until they make a small circle with their fingers.)
19. On location of a shoot: You're going to have to stand to the side. Suck your stomach in. Your butt is hanging way out. You're looking a little too butch right now and we need you a little more soft and feminine. 
20. You have two weeks to lose two inches or we are going to have to re-evaluate your future here and re-think your contract with us. 

Three Days Till Photo Shoot

Found out earlier today that I have a photo shoot on Sunday. Of course, I found this out after eating every piece of junk food I could get my hands on. (Brad and I went to the lake for the day and wandered in a candy shop. I have willpower, but not enough to fight off freshly made fudge) 

So, as of this moment I have three days until the shoot and I am supposed to be about 10lbs lighter than I am right now. I suck at my job...Or maybe, my job just sucks sometimes. This is the ongoing debate in my head too often these days. There's no way to lose 10 lbs in 3 days. Not any way I know of that doesn't involve starving myself or swallowing a pack of ex-lax every ten minutes, both of which I refuse to resort to. 

Instead, I am going to try to make some kind of corny challenge with myself to see how much I can do in three days. I can't go without food for longer than a few hours, so I'm not even going to try to do any kind of "cleanse" or "detox" and my schedule is going to make things difficult to work out excessively. 

Instead, I'm going to try to cut out most carbs, junk food, alcohol (good thing I got a few farewell glass of wine in tonight!) junk food, soda, junk food, junk food and junk food. I'm going to try to eat small meals that are high in protein. Egg whites, smoothies, veggies, etc. I'm not going to eat after 7. Actually, make that 8....9 at the latest. No, 8...for real. And, I'm going to see how much working out I can do. 

What I'm really going for here is to feel better. There's no way to change my body in three days. I'm not an idiot. But realistically, three days is enough time for me to feel a little bit better. If I don't eat junk and I cut back at night, and I go for a few runs and do a major ab workout, I'll feel better about myself going in to the shoot and it will reflect in the pictures. Then, after the shoot, I need to get my fat-by-industry-standards-and-not-by-my-own ass in gear and get myself in shape. I'll plan that later. 

Okkkkk, officially starting the three day challenge! Ready? GO!