Went to a casting with Andy today. I was in the middle of texting James when we started talking about Andy's birthday night. Andy said that I won't believe it, and he doesn't want to freak me out or anything, but his sister thinks that maybe James has a crush on me. Apparently, she thought we were disappearing together the night of his party.
I had to try (really hard) to control my reaction. I don't want to hurt anyone. I hate the strange combination or guilt and excitement. When I have a crush on someone, I want to talk about them all the time and I want other people to talk about them and I want people to tell me that the other person likes me too. Naturally, his comments made me happy. And then, naturally, this is followed with extreme guilt. I don't want to be any part of breaking up a relationship. It doesn't seem like there is, or was, technically a relationship, but I know that I would hurt people if I ever did anything with James.
I lied and told Any that it was ridiculous that his sister thought that. He believed me. Maybe? I think I'll wait a little while before hanging out with James. I can talk myself into believing that it is completely innocent to meet him for coffee of lunch or ice cream, but maybe we shouldn't even go down that road right now.
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