Jeff called while I was at work. First time he's called in 6 days. Maybe more. Honestly, I haven't been keeping track. Last time I talked to him on the phone was on his birthday, but I can't keep the days straight anymore so I honestly don't know how long it has been. I answered the phone because I was bored. He seemed normal. Asked what I have been up to. I said I hadn't talked to him in a while. He said that's because I stopped calling him. I asked if he had tried to call me, knowing that he hadn't. He said, he was waiting for me to call. I said, the phone works both ways. He said, well I said it first. I said, that only makes sense in your head, and I'm not sure how it even makes sense there. He said, nothing. Laughed a little. I said I'd call him after work, but I knew I wouldn't.
The fact that Jeff can't fight for anything used to be a problem. It's hard to break up with someone you think you'll spend your life with because he simply stops talking. I tried to work things out for weeks. Tried everything I could, and then I told him I couldn't try anymore, and it was up to him what he wanted us to be. He never answered. Not that day. Not that week. Not that month. Not that summer. Then, when I started talking to him again, he welcomed it just like I was an old friend he used to know but lost touch with somehow. It was an infuriating pattern that I couldn't find a way out of.
But now, now that I am trying to move on from him and my feelings about him have finally changed, it's become a convenience. He won't ever try to get me back. He won't ever ask me what I want or if I want to be together. If I stop talking to him he will just fade away. I used to think this was a reflection on me, but I can finally see that this is the way he functions. And for the first time, I'm all right with it. I've got better things to do than to worry about him these days.
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