Two Hours of Sleep a Night Ain't Cuttin' It

This whole thinking I can do everything and be fine with no sleep is finally starting to catch up with me. I woke up this morning at 6am and I couldn't swallow. Found myself sitting on the floor of the gymnasium, trying to keep myself from blacking out, at quarter to 7, while trying to set up stations for a fitness boot camp I started today. 

The boot camp did not go quite as I had planned. I went into it thinking it would be super easy. I've run this kind of thing a hundred times before, so what the hell did I have to be nervous about? I started the class with 15 people and ended with only 12. Apparently, I can't make housewives between the ages of 45- 60 do the same workouts I did when I was a collegiate athlete. I'm not saying this to be a bitch, I was mortified. I could tell by people's reaction that it was not going well, and I kept trying to fix things and adjust but nothing was working. I honestly just wanted to walk out of the gym.

From the gym I had to go straight to a meeting. I got home around noon, crawled back into bed with a slight fever and a box of tissues, and didn't wake up until it was dark outside my window. I'm usually not a person who can nap longer than ten minutes so I was shocked when I woke up. 

The rest of my week is already getting crazy. Meetings tomorrow, then working 7 hours at the gym. (I'm starting to think the gym is not going to work out. The Agents are going to send me to another market soon, most likely, so I'll be gone again for a few weeks and I'm not sure how the gym will take it.) I'm double booked with shoots on Wednesday, castings Thursday and then work at the gym, and possibly another shoot on Friday. Saturday I have work all day and three places I have to be on Saturday night, which means that I'm going to have another week of letting people down. 

Andy sent me an email today asking if my phone is broken because I haven't answered him in a few days. Matthew sent me a text asking if I would mail back the CD he gave me because he's tired of me blowing him off. I have three unheard voicemails from Jeffrey. Two from my most regular photographer.    An unpaid credit card bill. Bags under my eyes. A scale that seems to get meaner each time I step on it lately. And a mother who keeps nagging at me to go to sleep and stop trying to do everything all the time. 

Right now, all I can think about is how badly I want to drop everything and go to Florida. Maybe I could buckle down for two weeks, get myself in to shape, clear my head, study for my personal training certificate, and come back energized and confident and then my career will take off. Oh how I love magical thinking. 

Tonight, I guess I have to be ok with not being able to do everything or please everyone. I can't figure it all out right now, so it's time to go to sleep and try again tomorrow.