Things I Learned in 2010

1. If you drink alcohol while taking medication that has a sticker on the bottle that says "Do NOT drink alcohol while taking this medication," you will wind up passed out with your head on a restaurant table and an 11 year old girl on your lap. 
2. Being a vegetarian is not for everyone. Despite the bold-fonted claim on the box, soy bacon does not taste like genuine, deliciously fatty, pig bacon. Some things just can't be made healthy. 
3. The more you declare that you will NOT be drinking on any specific night, the drunker you will be by the end of the night.
4. Cuddling with a puppy at night sometimes just makes you even more lonely. And sometimes makes you wonder why you would ever trade it in for a boy.
5. Trying to lose weight makes you gain weight.
6. Trying NOT to date anyone makes more people want to date you.
7. Trying to be yourself is much harder (at first) than trying to be someone else. It is, however, a much better way to live life.
8. Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I am working hard every day, trying to study and go back to school, when the cast of the Jersey Shore pulls in millions for getting shit-faced and acting like fucking idiots. 
9. Workout dvds that promises to give you a six pack, don't produce results just by purchasing them. Instead, they make you poor. Then sit on top of your television and make you feel guilty every time you sit down on the couch to watch reality tv with a bag of Tostedos in your hand. 
10. Boys who cry the first weekend you hang out with them should usually be avoided.
11. Boys who never cry at all should also be avoided.
12. Flirting with other people's boyfriends is sometimes difficult to avoid, but it should be on all accounts. 
13. "Should be's" shouldn't always be followed.
14.  Walking in heels for longer than 10 minutes is actually possible. 
15. The way things works out sometimes is exactly opposite to the way you want them to work out, and usually after time goes by, you're thankful for this. 
16. Just because something doesn't happen at the time you think it should/will, doesn't mean it will never happen.
17. Drunk texting is hilarious...when other people do it. 
18. I should hire someone to physically remove my cell phone from my hand after I have had five drinks.
19. Hooking up on an actual beach is not as hot as you think. It's just sandy. 
20. If you pretend like you know what is going on, and you look like you know what is going on, people believe you.
21. There are an endless list of things to worry about. None of them get any better by worrying. And most of the things you worry most about, never even happen. 
22. I can't think of many things better to do on any given night than making out with someone.
23. The last week of December, you inevidibly take a moment to wonder how you didn't do everything you set out to do on Jan. 1st. It's also important to remember all the things you did that you never imagined you could do.

Andy Puts on a Show

I showed up to the Holiday Party on Friday night and Andy was already wasted. I haven't seen him in about 2 weeks, not since he sent me an email at 3am explaining that he would no longer be able to have any form of communication with me, asking me to please not try to get in touch with him anymore because it is too hard for him. Then, he got mad at me when I listened to him and didn't answer. 

The first hour or so of the party was manageably awkward. He asked me if I wanted a piece of gum, but said the only flavor he had was Mint Chocolate Chip. I pulled out an identical pack from my purse and then he got teary and gave me a pitiful look and so I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime soon or if I was still not allowed to talk to him. He said he'd like that. Then he told me that he got booked for a Chanel informal event and some sneaker ad. Oh, and he's started smoking weed again now that he's depressed.

The second hour of the party was slightly different. After consuming four more mixed drinks, he began a sentence talking about his sister's new apartment and ended it with how I am a fucking bitch. Ah, so much for a momentary lapse of not liking him. I thanked him, saying that I had almost missed him for a second and I appreciated him making things normal again. He did not care for my sarcasm and launched into a tirade of why I was a horrible person because I did not want to love him and marry him and spend the rest of my life with him (we "dated" for about 3 weeks.) Then, he turned on the heel of his shiny, pointed toe shoes and stormed away. I shrugged and started talking to the guy next to me, while Andy paraded around in my peripheral trying to hug every girl he could find, and then staring bitterly at me over each girl's shoulder. 

An hour after that, he got kicked out of the bar. He swore he did not do anything, but his knuckles were bleeding when I found him in the parking lot, so who knows what actually happened. I'd taken the night off from drinking, so I offered him a ride home. I wish I could be a "fucking bitch" at times like these, and just let him walk his drunk, temperamental ass home in the cold, but I'm a big softy, so I walked him to be car and shoved him in the passenger seat and told him if he was going to puke he had to stick his head out the window. An hour later I finally kicked him out of my car after sitting outside his apartment building trying to navigate my way through his attempt at a serious conversation. (I should write a post about what happened with us, but I get annoyed even just thinking about taking the time to write about him, so I can't promise I will ever get around to it.)

I feel bad letting someone down. I hate letting people down. I have the what-can-i-do-to-make-you-happy disorder...but learning to find my own voice and to figure out what I actually want requires me to do what is best for me, even if it pisses people off. If Andy could have stayed "good andy" and not changed into a dramatic, crying, jealous mess with the temper of a pit bull, then maybe I would give him another chance. His shit, I've realized, is his shit to work out on his own, and it doesn't have anything to do with me. So for now I am going to enjoy the comical twist on the evening; him trying to say recite a Shakespeare sonnet to explain the way he felt, him cursing at the door handle when he couldn't open the door (even though I kept trying to explain to him that it was locked) and him answering his phone when some girl called and pretending it was his mother when I could clearly see his caller id. 

I'm ok with being the fucking bitch that drives home alone at the end of the night, instead of the people-pleaser who stays over at some ranting boy's house just to make him happy.

Naughty Dreams

Anyone ever have a really sexual dream about someone and then feel strangely awkward around them the next time you have to see them? 

I had a dream about my friend Kush the other night and then I saw him today and my face kept feeling all hot and my back was itchy and I was like what the fuck is going on? He looked at me and all of a sudden I remembered an image of him naked. I have never seen him naked, but I dreamt it in such precise detail that my body honestly believes that I've hooked up with him. 

I made the mistake of telling him that I had a dream about him....an invitation apparently to start talking about sex. Now he won't stop texting me and trying to talk dirty. Maybe I should just hook up with him to see if he's as good in real life as he was in my dream. It would be strictly scientific based research. He's getting a little inappropriate though so I think I'll just let it be a strictly dream specific relationship.