It's taken me five years and three months to realize that I don't really know you after all. And more importantly, you have no idea who I am. Not in the slightest bit. I find myself fighting the urge to tell you all the things that other guys tell me. Brad thinks I'm beautiful and funny, and Matthew says he's never met someone like me, and Andy says I'm the kind of girl that changes people's lives. But all I really want, is to hear it from you. It's like I still don't believe a word of it. Not until it comes from your lips. Not until you believe it. I need you to tell me. I need your approval still. It's all I've ever really wanted I guess. I just didn't realize it, until tonight.
And now that I'm laying here, in the dark, listening to the silence of you breathing on the other end of the line, I know. I don't want to be this girl. I don't want to be this girl that's just waiting for you, sad and silent. I want to be the girl that's laughing in the passenger seat of Brad's pickup truck singing country songs at the top of my lungs. I want to be the girl that holds hands with James at a bar because we just need to touch somehow. I want to be the girl at the table, smiling and speaking out loud and not afraid of her voice. The girl that picks what she wants to eat and what she wants to do and doesn't wait for anyone. I don't owe you anything. Turns out, it's me that I owe something to. I'm tired of trying to be what you want. I'm tired of waiting for you to see how fucking awesome I can be. I'm tired of believing you instead of everyone else in my life, and most importantly, instead of me.
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