Out Shit Showed by Rito

Whenever I worry about my drinking habits or think that my life is in shambles, I spend a few days with my friend, Rito (short for Burrito, the explanation to which involves a Taco Bell, a lot of liqueur and not enough time in this post to explain) and then I feel much better about myself. 

I went back to my college to meet some friends this weekend. Going back to places has always been weird for me. I have found that in my life I spend a lot of time exhausting one place, using every piece of myself up until I have no other option but to run from it as fast and as far away as possible. When I leave a place, I'm done with it. I put that part of my life away and I don't feel any need to go back. I forget about that person. In college, I was shy, insecure and spent a lot of time depressed without anyone knowing. I studied hard, I won a lot of awards, and I spent my Friday nights in one of three places: the gym, the library, or in bed with my boyfriend watching a movie. 

If I got attention from boys in college, I was either oblivious to it or bluntly honest that I was in a relationship and not interested in getting to know anyone new. Now, however, I strangely think that I should be friends with everyone. Give me a few drinks and I find a way to be the center of attention, and I usually get myself in trouble by the end of the night, and wake up in the morning feeling nauseous with a mixture of happiness and shame. 

Rito, however, is a one woman circus of a shit show. I have seen her get blackout drunk and try to beat up a tree, pee in a boy's bed that she was trying to hook up with and puke in a washing machine and then do her laundry in it the next morning without noticing, all in the same weekend. Putting aside the more serious implications of the fact that she has some deep rooted issues and doesn't feel the slightest bit ashamed or embarrassed no matter how blackout she gets or who's bed she lands in on her downward spiral, I fucking love this girl. 

She totally out shit showed me this weekend and I am grateful for it in a humorous but slightly selfish way.

• I got asked to please calm down at the football game because I was waving my white pompom in the faces of everyone around me. I was not in my assigned seat and I did not know any of these people. BUT RITO missed the bleachers as she was jumping up and down chanting, and winded up sprawled out on her back across three rows of people. 
• I spent the next ten minutes trying to convince the security guard that neither of us had been drinking, when he tried to kick her out of the game, BUT RITO looked up at him from where she was lying across some stranger's lap and said, "Nope, I'm wasted!" She then turned and waved at everyone as she was escorted from the game while I stayed back long enough to get the boy's number that was sitting next to me. 
• I tried to sneak into a tailgate on the walk home and pretend that I knew an entire crowd of people because they had steak (yes, steak) and I was starving. BUT RITO apparently waited outside the popular ice cream joint on campus and told people she was there to hold their ice cream cones for them while they found a seat. Someone was actually stupid enough to hand it to her, and she tried to turn and sprint away with it but was caught because she tripped and fell in a bush. She swears that she didn't actually eat any ice cream, but she had a giant chocolate stain on her sweatshirt and sticky shit in her hair that I hope to God was ice cream. 
• I got cornered by an obnoxious boy at the bar after the game who's pickup line was to tell me how rich he was, leading to me tell him that I wasn't fucking impressed and I would appreciate if he left me alone (after he introduced me to his hot friend who I was trying to talk to anyway.) BUT RITO made out with the kid in the back corner of the bar so that he would buy her blueberry flavored beer. 
• I flirted back with one of my good friend's boyfriend and secretly held his hand while we were on the dance floor, BUT RITO got kicked out of the bar for dry humping a speaker and then got back in line and tried to pretend like she was a different person so she could get back in. 
• I called Jeffrey (my ex) on my way home from the bar, and embarrassingly admitted that all I ever do is think about him and that I know we are going to end up together somehow, BUT RITO called her ex-boyfriend 37 times. Yes, 37. Left him 5 voicemails and two barely legible text messages expressing her hatred for him. 
• I woke up with a headache and a sore throat to the sound of Rito puking in a cardboard box in the hallway of our old house. 

I'm not sure how she survives living in NYC, but somehow she does. As we said goodbye, I welcomed the long drive home so that I could reflect on my immature behavior and give myself a mighty dose of self-loathing capped off with a promise to get my shit together and stop thinking it's ok to flirt with other people's boyfriends just because they flirt with me.....but Rito put on her oversized sunglasses as she told me that she was glad she took it easy this weekend and only blacked out one night instead of three in a row because hopefully she wouldn't be hungover on Monday morning when she taught her pre-school kids how to draw turkeys by tracing their hand.