It's happening. I'm getting sick of Brad. I don't know how or why or when it started but I can feel myself pulling away. Maybe it's because we have been spending too much time together. Maybe it's because he told me about a conversation he had with his best friend about his feelings for me. Maybe it's because he called me the other day to ask what my plans for New Years Eve were. (My response to which was that it was too far ahead to know if I'd be around) Whatever the reason, I can feel myself getting frustrated with things he does that only a few weeks ago were things I loved about him. I can feel the restlessness eating away at me from the inside. I can feel my resistance each time he asks me to do something growing.
Maybe I just need a few days to have time to myself and figure things out. I love being single and I am probably just freaking out because he is starting to make it feel like we're in a relationship. I hate relationships. When you're in a relationship you have to break up. It's so much easier to just stay single. I was in a relationship for so fucking long and I know that I need time to be on my own so that I can figure out what I want and who I am without a boy in my life. Is this too much to ask?
I don't want to lose him and I don't want to fuck things up because I know he's an awesome guy. He's so much of the things I want, and yet I still find a reason (for no reason at all) to feel like something is missing and to keep myself from falling. As much as I am probably being a pussy here and just afraid of getting hurt again, I feel like I need to trust my gut and continue to give myself time.